Sometimes I think I'm pretty great. I live big. I put my best parts out there and I hope to aid, uplift and inspire. But I think there are many people out there who also need to see some vulnerable humanity. Those who need to know they do not struggle alone. So here it is:
You do not struggle alone.
Sometimes I hear of windfall, blessings and great positivity, and I want to kick someone in the knees and go huddle in a corner. Sometimes my heart breaks a little while I applaud the triumphs of my friends and family. Sometimes I feel so inadequate that I just want to shrivel up and stop trying. I wonder why my heart leaps a bit when my classmate takes on a full teaching load, while I sit paralyzed, four practice hours from my certificate, unable to make myself schedule a class. I wonder that I can cheer and hug and feel elation when my husband or brother or friend crosses a finish line, and when I do it myself all I can think is how I could have been better, or stronger, or braver. I steal these moments from myself. I discount my own marvelous accomplishments. I am blind to so much of my own beauty.
These pieces of me. They make no sense. They are painful and messy and hard to deal with. I don't understand them. But they help me to be kind.
They help me to remember that others have pieces too. Pieces made up of self-doubt and self-loathing. Pieces of uncertainty, fear, longing. They help me to be merciful.
My friends, when you find yourself moaning over the obnoxious teenager, or the forgetful soccer mom, or even that one person who seems to have it all together and just annoyingly won't conform to your needs, please try to pause and remember their pieces. Their demons hurt. We all have them. We all fight them daily from inside. Every last one of us is vulnerable and soft in some way. Let's not give each other more to defend from, more reasons to be hard. Let's instead reflect each others goodness. It isn't our job to control someone else's pride or "fix" them. Let's love, uplift, build each other up, protect, and soften the blows that life inevitably throws at us. Let's do that for each other.
By the way, have you looked in the mirror lately? You're pretty amazing.