Fluidity

"People change for two reasons; Either they've learned enough that they want to, or they've been hurt enough that they have to."

Change is inevitable. We are brought up expecting to become someone. To "come into ourselves" and find who we want to be, as if there were an end game. A final, shiny self to display for the world to see and declare, "I made it!" I feel that this is a flawed concept. As humans we are inconstant. There is nowhere to arrive to- the journey never ends. Our surroundings are constantly changing, the variables are endless and we choose whether to act upon them, or react to them. The act of learning is a privileged choice. It is the only control we truly have. All else is illusion. Pain comes from resistance. If we only change when we've left ourselves no other choice, we are in for a painful journey- a stagnant and stuttering journey.
We must choose to bend and flow, to reinvent, and to constantly redefine. Plans, interests, talents, passions, they all change. This is not a matter of loss and gain, but a natural and necessary flow of growth.
Six years ago I started a photography business. I was good at what I did and irresistibly passionate about it. I thought that I'd finally found what I would be. My best friend at the time, in the interest of loyalty, passed word to me that a dear loved one whose opinion I valued highly had expressed rather flippantly that it "wouldn't last long, because Kakes can't stick to anything." I was incensed. Couldn't she feel my passion?? Didn't she know this was it for me? I was a photographer. I determined there and then that I would prove her wrong. I was so adamant that this was my definition, that I clung to it for four years until I hated it. Every time I got a new client I resented them. I couldn't even appreciate the work of other photographers without feeling bitter. I couldn't think of attending a photography workshop because I was already a photographer! I was stuck. I wanted to run, screaming.
I am just now beginning to be able to pick up my camera without flinching in fear of it's chains. What I am learning is that life is not all or nothing forever. I am what I am at any given moment. At times I am passionate, bursting and ready to strive greatly. Others I am content to be deep and still. We are all fluid. We must learn to stop trying to hold water still in our hands. Life will flow with or without our resistance. When we look forward rather than futilely thrashing about, then we might get to steer.

"Thus, flexibility, as displayed by water, is a sign of life. Rigidity, its opposite, is an indicator of death." ~Anthony Lawlor